Ever since I set my sights on the blue merle puppy, it's been hard to fall in love with another. But the closest contender was a pretty short-haired chihuahua fatale with a super rare lavender coat. I decided if I couldn't have the Blue Merle Puppy, I could at least have a really cute purplish dog. The only hitch was this pretty puppy lived in Corona, a 50 mile sprint from LA. So if we were going to make the commute, we really ought to commit balls deep.
As the weekend drew closer, so did my surrender. By Friday evening, I was already Google-mapping our trip when the ad for the lavender puppy vanished! Just as quickly as she entered our lives, she was gone. No more Plan B Puppy.
One weird character tick I've learned about myself over the years: if I can't have something... anything... even something I didn't want very much in the first place... I WANT IT TEN TIMES HARDER. Holy shit. The second I miss out on a one-of-a-kind vintage dress or a limited-release milkshake flavor or whatever the fuck it is, synapses fire that freak-out drug in my brain and I'm immediately filled with remorse and longing.
As soon as lavender puppy was sold, I began searching the furthest banks of the internets for a replacement. If there was a pet classified I hadn't tried yet, I was there. It was in the mouth of desperation that I came upon a remarkable discovery: a female merle chihuahua from the same breeder as the lavender pup! But this puppy wasn't on her main listing site. It must have been fate, I decided, and immediately made an appointment to come see her.
That Friday night, after improv rehearsal, Sean and I began our journey to the suburbs. On our plight, we might have pit-stopped at a Jack-in-the-Box and we MIGHT have stuffed our faces with mini churros. No one can be really sure. But one thing I could be sure of was my resolve to adopt a puppy that night- whether I liked it or not.
Around 11 PM, in a suburban cul de sac, we reached our destination. We were greeted at the door by a lovely, voluptuous lady named Kelly, who welcomed us into her gigantic mansion home. It had been a long time since I found myself surrounded by family portraits and stairwells. We sat on a couch near the foyer, where Kelly brought out handfuls of puppies. Even though we came in search of a merle, curiosity kept calling when she'd mention other chis in her nursery.
At one point, my husband and I were covered in about 8 tiny dogs, whimpering and whining as it was way past their bedtime. My husband quickly connected to the female merle. She was hyper and spunky - a playful mix of kisses and preening for attention. Sean was all-too-happy to oblige her. I, on the hand, started to bond with a super tiny short-haired white male chihuahua. At 6 weeks old, he was the tiniest little thing with short legs and a cobby body.
The elimination began as we weeded out the ones we didn't want. As the puppy pile got smaller and the clock approached midnight, I knew I had to make a decision soon. In the other room, we could hear family movie night underway - the faint ambiance of "Tron Legacy" I later learned.
It came down to the merle female and the white male. Sean and I could not agree less. He really loved the merle female, who I grew fed up with quickly (she couldn't stop moving). Meanwhile, Sean didn't think the white male was anything special, particularly after seeing his full-grown parents. Ultimately, it was my obsession for a new puppy that brought us here and Sean ceded to me.
"We'll take the white one," I proclaimed and the minute I heard myself say it, adrenaline coursed through my entire body.
"Great. Let me fill out the paperwork," Kelly said.
While Kelly started the paperwork, Sean left to find an ATM since it was cash only. I sat on the couch, holding this strange dog in my lap, slowly, silently panicking.
It only took a few (appropriately) concerned comments from Sean to flood me with doubt. What if this WAS just an average dog? Nothing special, and destined to look like his fine, albeit anonymous parents. What about those tear stains? Would they grow worse with time? Was his soft puppy fur going to turn coarse as he got older?
In the other room, family movie night ended and a perfectly blonde little girl ran into the room with Kelly and I. She petted the puppy, and talked about how it was her job to "socialize" all the puppies with ritual petting. While Sean was away, Kelly kept good company chatting about breeding and chihuahuas in general. We were both obvious enthusiasts.
She administered the puppy's first shot and dotted all the i's on the paperwork before handing it to me for a signature. "Oh shit," I thought. "This is for real."
I told her I before I signed anything, I wanted to talk to my husband in private and get his honest thoughts on the puppy. "I want to make sure we're both excited about it," I said and it wasn't a buttface lie.
When Sean got back, I excused myself and stepped outside. "Don't be mad," I said. "But I've changed my mind."
As soon as I voice my concerns - about the anonymous parents, the emerging tears stains and coarse fur - Sean agreed readily. "That's what I was trying to tell you," he said, "but you didn't seem to mind."
"Oh my God, I feel like such an asshole. What am I supposed to tell her?"
"I don't know," Sean said. "But I'm staying outside."
After a few minutes of stalling, I went back inside the cozy McMansion nervously wrangling my hands. Kelly was sitting on the floor, next to a baggy full of dog food and some puppy pee pads. I hesitated. Then finally blurted out, "My fears were right. He's not really excited about the puppy."
I stammered through an apology-filled soliloquy, feeling awful the whole time. She nodded her head, seemingly not too surprised, but not elated. In the end, she said she understood and was glad we didn't make a snap decision that wasn't right for us. We chatted for a while longer and I thanked her, sincerely, for taking the time to see us and being so kind.
We drove home, exhausted but ultimately relieved. It turned out I didn't want a puppy bad enough to say yes to the first one I kind of liked.
The next day, Sean and I were out-and-about again. The near-puppy experience had really whiplashed reality into me, and I knew when it came to getting another dog, if I wanted the perfect pup, I'd have to be patient. No more Plan B puppies. When it was right, we would both feel it and know it.
And that afternoon, we got the call. It was about the Blue Merle Puppy - the object of my obsession. The owner's son made an appointment to bring him by the next day so we could finally meet and possibly adopt him. Funny how things work out. :)
xo,
Sabrina London
